I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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