Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
