apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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