do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
