lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
no you cant smoke seaweed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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