so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
