I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
