i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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