He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
