the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
