she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
