I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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