Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
