You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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