last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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