No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
