she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
God, I missed his penis.
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