My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
