My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
