So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
