Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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