Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
