youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
