hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
