I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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