don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
