dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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