As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love having hate sex.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
