Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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