made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
