If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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