I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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