Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
