Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
smell my finger.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
