i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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