i jhust puked up my retainher.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
