He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
