No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
