This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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