I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
