You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
