there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Vodka?
Forever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
