Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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