Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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