She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
false alarm. still invincible.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
