we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
