I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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