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yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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