Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
