now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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