batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need a beard to bite.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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