Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
