Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
