If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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