Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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