I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
