Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
