I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So many bounce houses so little time
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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