She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
